ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
