Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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