i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
