I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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