accomplished twins. life is a go
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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