You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
