the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
