thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
