My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
