I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
