Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
