thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
