Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
