I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
