You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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