nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
