how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
