That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
