I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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