Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
