Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize