the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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