I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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