I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
