So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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