i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm at about main and main street
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
