what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
