You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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