He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
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They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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