next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
