Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
