I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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