Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
