Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Actions speak louder than pants.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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