HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I intend to get homeless drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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