Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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