you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
