Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
