You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
