I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
