Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
