You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
