goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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