Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
