brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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