Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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