Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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