My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
