I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
