this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Even my vagina gasped.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
3 2 1 whiskey
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
