All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
