im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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