Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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