don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
