we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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