i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
