haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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