It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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