I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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