i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
