he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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