I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
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You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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