chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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