i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
