I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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