New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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