so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
