I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
