if i can run in heels then i can drive
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
